Miserable At Best
by Te-gonefover
Summary: A Quinntana songfic. WARNING VERY ANGSTY. Quinn/Santana femslash.


**A/N: WARNING! THIS IS SO ANGSTY! I EVEN CRIED DURRING WRITING THIS! So this is only a one-shot. Strongly based on the song Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade. Even if you don't listen to the song. READ THE DAMN LYRICS! ITS SUCH A GOOD SONG! IF YOU FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR. YOU KNOW MY LATE NIGHT ADVENTURES LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF THINKING UP THIS FANFICTION AND NOT BEING ABLE TO SLEEP! PLEASE GIVE THIS A SHOT! REVIEW TOO!**

This is hell. At this point Lima would seem like Eden. Is all you can think to yourself. It would be a hundred times better if she was their with you, but no life doesn't work that way. It would be to simple. Ocala is hell. Living. Breathing. Hell. You had to move your dad's work. But so how you and her have managed to keep a relationship. It still ceases to amaze you how it's worked out for a year without any huge fights or mishaps of that sort. One thing you are glad that Ocala has. Something that you look at every time you get the chance. Stars. They are so beautiful and they remind you of her.

_Ocala is calling and you know it's hauntingBut compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright_

_And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but I want it so…_

**XOXO**

"San, It's gonna be ok." She holds you in her arms in attempt to soothe your tears.

"Q, I don't think I can live with me so far away from you." Your tears could flood a small town at this point. You and her always come to the park when you have something important to tell another, preferably at night. You and her came here after you came out. You and her came here after Brittany broke your heart once again. You came here to ask her out. This place probably has more memories to you than your own house.

"San we're going to make it. No matter how far you live." She kissed my forehead and my tears finally started to subside. "How about this. Every time you look at the stars. Think of me. The stars may only be seen at certain times, but they are always their. They're just away." She smiles at you. God how could one person be so prefect is all you can think as you gaze at her.

"Your amazing, you know that right?" She blushes when you say this.

"I think you've told me, oh I don't a million times."

"Well million times is never enough when describing how amazing you are."

**XOXO**

_Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight_

_I know he's there and_

_You're probably hanging out and making eyes_

_while across the room, he stares_

_I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor…_

You roll your phone around in your hands a couple of times. Waiting hopelessly for a text, a call, a something. Anything. Surprising you and her both have prom on the same day. You don't go, you go to some party instead that some girl in your English class invited you to.

"Hey Santana!" The girl who invited you to this come up to you. She's one of the people that isn't drunk off their ass, including you as well.

"Hey Dakota." You keep looking down at your phone waiting for that text or call or something.

"You wanna dance?" She looks at you hopefully.

"Um.. Not right now. Maybe later." You give her a small smile.

"Oh." She frowns slightly. "Ok." She walks away with her head hung down. Dakota is cute, with her long blonde hair and green eyes. The kind of girl you would chase after if you weren't with Quinn.

_And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes…_

But you don't know what's going on in Lima with Quinn. She sits with Mercedes, Brittany and Tina. While the Puck, Finn, Mike and Sam sit across the room. Sam and she make some eye contact with hidden glances and playful smiles.

Sam finally gets up after having all the boys around him get the guts to do it. He walks across the room and puts out his hand to Quinn.

"Do you want to dance?" She nods and takes his hand. They slow dance. He dances with your girl at her senior prom. They kiss at the end of the dance and that leads to something more.

You find out the next day via Brittany. Not the way you wanted to find out but it happened. You call Quinn and talk about it. At first the conversation consists of tears and yelling and the word 'Why' consistently being thrown around . But after the fighting you understand. You understand that you can't be there with her and she was lonely. When you look up at the night sky that night you can't see the stars. When you need them the most. They are covered and seemingly just aren't there for you.

Sleepless nights not talking to Quinn with dreams filled with Sam and her. Dreams wasted on the thought of her cheating. Sleepless nights turn into thoughtless weeks. You know what you have to do. You book the next flight out to Lima and pack up something's and go.

You arrive the next day. You go to McKinley and wait a good ten minutes before all your old friends and schoolmates come bustling. You see Brittany first she gives you a big hug and you tell her you are going to catch up later.

After what seems like forever, you see her. You smiles sadly, she's beautiful. Seems like nothing has changed about her. She sees you and runs in your direction then captures you in hug. Everything is going in slow-motion (or what it seems like).

_Because these words were never easier for me to say_

_Or her to second guessBut I guess…_

"Hey." You finally say.

"Hey yourself." She is beaming at you. It makes things so much harder. You sallow you sadness and force up a smile. "You look great."

"You don't look so bad yourself Fabray." She smiled shyly at you. It kills you. She just is pushing what she did aside. You wish you could do the same, but its easy really. You can't. it's to painful to ignore. The day you sat by the phone waiting for a call or text, She was kissing someone that wasn't you and pushed what you would think out of her thoughts.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming out? I would have planned something."

"It was a sort notice thing, you know. I'm not staying long."

She raises an eyebrow. "Oh, Ok."

"I just needed to talk to you."

"You could of called me you know. In stead of flying out here just to stay for a little while. I'm never busy when in comes to you."

"Yeah, I know." The sadness becomes more visible in your voice.

"What's wrong, San?"

"I can't do this anymore. I know you can't handle it either. When you cheated on my with Sam, It made me realize a lot of things. I understand why you did it. I'm not mad because of that, it's just. I can't handle being without you."

"What are you saying?" There's a crack in her voice. The small crack in your voice makes your heartbreak.

"I can do us anymore." Full fledge tears are pour out of your eye's

"San… don't do this. I love you." She is crying too.

"I love you too. But you deserve someone that can hold you through the night and take are of you and love you. You need someone that can come whenever you need them, instead of worrying about if I can get a flight or not."

She shakes her head. "No, No San. I need you. Only you."

You smile and kiss her lightly on the lips for the last time "You don't need me. You need something better for you." You walk away from her tears streaming down both of your face's.

Once you get back to your hotel room you throw your keys on the bed and throw your phone against the wall it shatters. You see a small piece of paper in the shattered mess. The piece of paper is taped to your phones battery. It's dated the day before you moved away. You rip it off and read it.

**Hey San!**

**Hopefully you get this before you get rid of the phone or something. I just wanted you to know. I will always love you. No matter how far you live. No matter how dorky you may be. No matter the stupid things I do. I will love you no matter what. It's gonna be tough I know, I'm going to miss the lips that make me feel like I can do anything whenever we kiss. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you. I hope you feel the same.**

**- Quinn Fabray.**

Tears blurry the words, you can barely read them anymore. Tears staining the paper with her handwriting on it. You clench the note and lean against the wall as you sob. You lose the strength in your legs and end up sliding down it. You hug your knees tears soaking your chest.

...

Five years later. Quinn and you don't talk much anymore. Sometimes you still sob at the mention of her name. You get a letter from her though. Half of you wish it was her begging you to come back and be with her and half of you wish you won't have gotten a letter at all. You open it after hours of contemplating what to do. It's an invitation to Sam and Quinn's wedding. You rip of the letter and throw it out not wanting to even read anymore.

But what you don't know is that she is in Lima hoping you come. Hoping you stop the wedding and take her back. That's all she has ever wanted. But she doesn't tell anyone that when you don't come she pretends everything is alright, when all she wants to do is die inside. You both live your life hating yourselves for letting an old love go.

_That I can live without you but_

_Without you I'll be miserable at best…_


End file.
